A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are riding a train through Scotland.
The engineer looks out the window, sees a black sheep, and exclaims, "Hey! The sheep in Scotland are black!"
The physicist looks out the window and corrects the engineer, "Well, all we know is that some of the sheep are black."
The mathematician looks out the window and corrects the physicist, "Strictly speaking, all we can say is that is that there exists a field in Scotland containing a sheep, at least one side of which is black."

A newlywed husband is discouraged by his wife's obsession with mathematics. Afraid of being second fiddle to her profession, he finally confronts her: "Do you love math more than me?"
"Of course not, dear - I love you much more!"
Happy, although sceptical, he challenges her: "Well, then prove it!"
Pondering a bit, she responds: "Ok... Let epsilon be greater than zero..."

Q: Why do Universities have Mathematics departments?

A: It's cheaper than institutionalizing all those people.

A mathematician organizes a lottery in which the prize is an infinite amount of money. When the winning ticket is drawn, and the jubilant winner comes to claim his prize, the mathematician explains the mode of payment: "1 dollar now, 1/2 dollar next week, 1/3 dollar the week after that..."

Heisenberg is speeding down the road, and a cop pulls him over. The cop says "Sir, do you have any idea how fast you were going?" Heisenberg says "No, but i know exactly where i am."

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician find themselves in an anecdote, indeed an anecdote quite similar to many that you have no doubt already heard.

After some observations and rough calculations the engineer realizes the situation and starts laughing.

A few minutes later the physicist understands too and chuckles to himself happily as he now has enough experimental evidence to publish a paper.

This leaves the mathematician somewhat perplexed, as he had observed right away that he was the subject of an anecdote, and deduced quite rapidly the presence of humor from similar anecdotes, but considers this anecdote to be too trivial a corollary to be significant, let alone funny.

An engineer, a physicist and a statistician are in a hotel when a fire starts.

"Pour water on it!" Cries the engineer

"No, remove the oxygen!" Says the physicist.

The statistician, seeing their disagreement, frantically runs round the hotel starting fires

"What the heck are you doing?" The other two ask

"Creating a decent sample size."